Closer To Myself

I'm currently listening to a cd by a girl named Kendall Payne, and the song on my cd player right now is called Closer to Myself. Here's the words...it's quality. And keep reading!


Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn
I need to know who and what I am
This hunger jolts me from complacency
It rocks me, makes me meet myself

Jacob walked a limp to remind him
Of the greater gift of the greater one
But when I fell, I fell to my own resources
How can I carry a truth, if I can't even crawl to you?

Chorus:
I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves and roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

Paint me in a different light
Shed me yet another coat of skin
Mark me with ash until I'm clean again
Cause I'm so sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
I know I can love you, I know that I can

What awesome words to describe the last 8 months of life! One thing I've really been doing since I graduated in December is studying myself. Yes, studying myself. My relationship with God. I'm a lot different than I thought. :) I want to be who HE made me to be. This summer at kamp I was blessed to hear Phil Joel of the Newsboys in person. Let me tell you, this man KNOWS Jesus, not about Him, he KNOWS Him! As I heard him play, I realized more than ever how much I want to know God and know Him well, and how little time I really invest in it, in Him. The Lord continually keeps revealing the half-heartedness with which I walk with Him, and have for years. Now is the time for change, especially as I'm realizing that those behaviors which we don't surrender will continue over and over in life (why did i think it would just stop being a problem? really kelly...). God keeps showing me weaknesses I have and specific ways in which they are manifested in my life. So I'm fully intending to use this semester, this year, this life, starting with today, to KNOW Jesus. Ephesians 5:16 talks about being "redeemers of the time because the days are evil." I want to redeem my time and use it for Him. I so often get stuck on things that don't matter, and I want my life to be used to redeem. No this isn't easy, but that's why I'm sharing it with you. Ask me if I'm redeeming my time here as I finish the work God has given me to do. I know this sounds like a battle cry kind of, but that's what it is. Satan really doesn't like it, I know, but I know that life that's not fully following Jesus is no life at all. So please, pray for me and partake with me. :)

The Fellowship

About a week and a half ago (sorry, slightly delayed post:) I had the privilege of having some WONDERFUL people over to my house aka my parents house in Dallas for some dinner, fun, and fellowship! These are some of my favorite A&M friends (we're missing a few for sure...Linds, Lise, Jonny, Jessie boy, to name a few, there's lots more) and I was so blessed to get to see them all at once. Three of them just left for Fuller Seminary in Pasadena, California. That's what brought up this idea in my mind, kind of a party for them. These people, every single one of them, bless me so much, my heart was practically soaring when they left that night. I am so blessed by the people around me who love Jesus! And that's just a few my age! There's a million older and younger who teach me all the time too. I also love this picture because it displays so much of the character and personality of these ppl. Their laughter, simple joy in life, loving the Lord, and each other, have taught and changed me TONS. My heart rejoices as I think about the person I was entering A&M and the person I'm still becoming, largely in part to their influence on my life. So thanks to all of you, even though like 3 of you read this:), you bless me and I love you a lot.

And Fellowship of the Rings (LOTR) is on tv on Friday, thus the title:)

Mesmerized and Side Tracked at the Same Time...

Wrote this tonight! Still hasn't been edited so this is really more the raw version aka what popped into my head tonight....when I'm inspired, I write! Enjoy, and as always, comment away!

Mesmerized
Sweetly broken
Nowhere to turn
Nowhere to look
But up
Side to side is no help
Without the source
It’s all in vain
And yet laboriously
I continue to confide
In those from my left
To my right side
When will I get it?
When will I throw me aside
For good?
Why must this battle ensue within me?
I know the answer
This I have heard plenty
Once I switched sides
This battle will continue
To ensue until the day I die
My victory is won
And that day will come
When Satan will be vanquished
And my heart will feel no more anguish
True I have faced less in life
Than many people
But that doesn’t mean I’ve been protected by the steeple
Encouraged, Built up,
Torn down, frustrated
But as much as I’ve been berated
I’ve also become elated
At seeing the body in action on this earth
Seeking to be what Christ meant first
Before Satan maimed
Jesus’s bride
And now it’s high tide
And the water’s coming in
God’s work continues to win
It started a long time ago
Before time was to begin
And yet sitting back in perspective
My heart, mind, soul becomes reflective
When I fight alone
I am sitting
Inviting Satan into my home
And it is only fitting
That I will lose this war and become Lucifer’s clone
This daily war I fight
We all fight
Apart we are nothing
But together we stand in unity
Not just a community
But a force
Of something,
Or rather someone
Far greater than us
And with Him
We can fight
And we will win!
Sound the battle cry!
Satan,
You must die!
In every aspect of our lives!
We brandish the weapons of the King
Taking captive all thoughts from Death’s sting
We will not bend to this thing
This being
That claims to be King
Only the king of deceit
Our loyalty is to the true Lion and Lamb
And it is with swift feet
That we see this Antichrist’s defeat
Sound the trumpets of his victory!
Where O death is your sting?
It holds no power
As it has been destroyed by the God of the Hour
The day, the month, the year, the millennium
No wait
Time has not bound him!
Praise God for leading us to Him
I don’t know whether I would have found Him
Wretch as I am
And though this life is at times long
Praise the Lord for breath
To sing this song!
My heart sings your praise
And with that
To you my songs will raise
No matter the day
No matter the time
This is my pledge
This is my sign
My heart, my very being I give to you
Take me away from the tyranny of the urgent
And fill me with Christ’s aroma,
Completely with his scent
Inside and out
Til I’m yours
Without any doubt
Totally sold out.

Oh da Weddings

Well, I went to wedding number 7 this past weekend, yes number 7 of the summer, that is correct. Throughout the summer, I've made some observations as I've watched multiple events. I've been to weddings that the goal is to glorify Jesus and I've been to the weddings where they say Jesus who? I for one love weddings, even though I know a lot of girls sit and compare the current wedding to their own (whether it be past or future...and you think I'm kidding), and I think this is a good thing (that I love weddings), because as a girl, it is difficult sometimes to be content with where God has placed you in life. This isn't to say I'm perfect, far from it, but merely to say that I thoroughly enjoy going to weddings and praise the Lord I'm content! That was a bit of a tangent...continuing...and switching gears...there's something I learned about in Biology freshman year at A&M called the Sum of the Emergent Parts, and unlike everything else in that class, I cannot forget about it. The Sum of Emergent Parts in Kelly words says: When you add things together in science, the whole of the ingredients is far greater than they ever were as separate entities. The second I heard this theory, rule, whatever (I usually am not a big science fan) marriage sprang to mind. When two people, correction, two believers, by God's grace, are put together, we should see an explosion of Jesus! Together, we should see their lives as far better, far more glorifying to the Lord, than if they were apart. By this, we KNOW that God is the center, because man could never have built a relationship like this. I love it when you see how science ties into Jesus. It's so cool. I've also come to the conclusion that marriage is a miracle of the Lord, at least in the attempt to make it God-glorifying. The process leading up to it, the perseverance during it, it's so God-put together. It's amazing to get to watch people begin their journey in life together. Rehearsal dinners are my favorite. I love hearing about the way the Lord has used these two people to affect those around them. How much more we as believers should get excited to see/hear what God will do through them once united! This may be a bit of a heavy topic, but since it has been such a great part of the last two summers (16 in all), I felt as though I should broach the subject...I think I could write thoughts down on this for hours, but that's all I got today. Here's a picture from the latest wedding of Amanda Nelson Joiner...a few pics including me wearing a matching dress with my new cousin-in-law, Kelly. :)

Rhett and Link! And other fun things:)

So just for fun, I think I should share with you all some of my favorite websites, because Chaney and I sit and laugh at them for a long time.

Step 1: Go to YouTube

Step 2: Search "Harry Potter and the Mysterious Ticking Noise"

Step 3: Watch.

Also search Rhett and LInk Facebook Song and enjoy! Courtesy of my dear friend Simone Watts...and I think the guy with a beard looks like Matt Graham for those of you who know him:) This song will be in your head for hours...or it is in mine:)

And go to muffinfilms.com- chaney and i's favorite ones are psssst and The Muffin Tree

And look for Amburgers and Wootbeer too-go to youtube and look for my little sister Chaney, singing in her mosher dorm room!

Enjoy!!!! And give feedback!