Closer To Myself

I'm currently listening to a cd by a girl named Kendall Payne, and the song on my cd player right now is called Closer to Myself. Here's the words...it's quality. And keep reading!


Digging deep, I feel my conscience burn
I need to know who and what I am
This hunger jolts me from complacency
It rocks me, makes me meet myself

Jacob walked a limp to remind him
Of the greater gift of the greater one
But when I fell, I fell to my own resources
How can I carry a truth, if I can't even crawl to you?

Chorus:
I wanna feel something sweeter than this sin
Cover me in leaves and roll me over again
I've been everybody else now I wanna be
Something closer to myself

Paint me in a different light
Shed me yet another coat of skin
Mark me with ash until I'm clean again
Cause I'm so sick and tired
Of being sick and tired
I know I can love you, I know that I can

What awesome words to describe the last 8 months of life! One thing I've really been doing since I graduated in December is studying myself. Yes, studying myself. My relationship with God. I'm a lot different than I thought. :) I want to be who HE made me to be. This summer at kamp I was blessed to hear Phil Joel of the Newsboys in person. Let me tell you, this man KNOWS Jesus, not about Him, he KNOWS Him! As I heard him play, I realized more than ever how much I want to know God and know Him well, and how little time I really invest in it, in Him. The Lord continually keeps revealing the half-heartedness with which I walk with Him, and have for years. Now is the time for change, especially as I'm realizing that those behaviors which we don't surrender will continue over and over in life (why did i think it would just stop being a problem? really kelly...). God keeps showing me weaknesses I have and specific ways in which they are manifested in my life. So I'm fully intending to use this semester, this year, this life, starting with today, to KNOW Jesus. Ephesians 5:16 talks about being "redeemers of the time because the days are evil." I want to redeem my time and use it for Him. I so often get stuck on things that don't matter, and I want my life to be used to redeem. No this isn't easy, but that's why I'm sharing it with you. Ask me if I'm redeeming my time here as I finish the work God has given me to do. I know this sounds like a battle cry kind of, but that's what it is. Satan really doesn't like it, I know, but I know that life that's not fully following Jesus is no life at all. So please, pray for me and partake with me. :)