CHALLENGE.D.

Coming into kamp, I was having lots of mixed emotions. Here was this place I had idolized for so long, because I had seen Jesus work there so strongly, and yet coming back I knew life so differently. Jesus works EVERYWHERE. China and a million other things helped me realize this. When I made the decision to go back to kamp, the closer it got to work week, the more I did not want to go, which needless to say, has NEVER happened when I've gotten ready to go to kamp. But I also realized it was pure fear that made me not want to go. And knowing what God says about fear, it made me all the more determined to go, for Jesus. Not for myself or my own glory, terrified as I was. Work week was interesting to say the least. One, I only knew a few people who were on staff, so I felt like I was new again. Two, people would introduce themselves and tell me they were going to be a sophomore in college...translation: instant thought: you were in 8th grade when I was a senior in high school. AKA I felt old. :)
But the coolest thing happened, through being there, I realized how much I've changed since 3 summers ago when I walked out that gate. My confidence is no longer in man, or in his institutions, and the promises of this world. It is the Lord alone I trust. It's definitely not a perfect trust, but that's my heart. So fastforward from work week to second term. I know God is doing something huge, but I can't put my finger on it. As second term starts, craziness begins. Sheer craziness so great at kamp, I know it's from God, and I also know He can be a whole lot crazier:), if he so chose. Within the first 2 days, my co-counselor decides she doesn't want to be at kamp and leaves, I get a new co 4 days into kamp who I've never met (but is now one of my favorite ppl ever!), and leadership has told me from the beginning that they gave me the hardest kabin. Breathe.
So during kamp, I had the opportunity to be in this amazing woman of God's bible study, Mrs. Callie Dolloff. This was such a huge blessing because the Lord has shown me that when he changes my heart on something, like kamp for instance, I can have a tendency to dwell on bitterness whenever this subject appears. To clarify, when I realized Theta was an idol, I was bitter and hated being there for a whole year until the Lord showed me that my bitterness was no more pleasing to Him than my idolatry. When I gave the Lord my pain with that, he began to heal me and use me with the girls in the house, because that was what I cared about, the people, not the organization. Hopefully this example helps...sorry my brain's on overdrive right now...anyway back to the story. Callie had come to K-1 when she married one of our leadership guys so we had never met before this summer. I learned so much from her, but even more than that, was so blessed by her fellowship. It was really humbling to me to come to kamp, a place I had always been "cool" if you will, and now be orientated in classes I used to teach, to not know anyone, to feel old, to have to admit why I'd been gone for 3 years. As the term progressed, (if you want details just ask, i could go for hours) I got to share with Callie the new me, the one the Lord had been changing, and as we saw the madness of the term keep unfolding, I could only thank God for answering my prayers to humble me, the ones I've been praying the last 6 months. At the end of the term she shared this verse with me.

"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded, and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:48

The reason I titled this post challenge.d. is because I ask you to take it as a challenge as I myself have been challenged. God has given each one of us so many gifts, so many opportunities, and even more than any of that, he's given us Him, the greatest gift of all. As she read this verse to me, God poured forth conviction and has continued to do so since July 18th, about the areas in my life concerning partial obedience. All during kamp one of the main questions I asked my girls was, do you want to follow Him? and Are you willing to give up everything for Him? This morning I was challenged yet again reading Luke 14:25-35.
26-27 says:If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his own brothers and sisters-yes, even his own life-he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
Through these verses God continues to reveal the areas I haven't surrendered and challenge me, are you in this for real?
Where are you slacking and why? I went to the dentist the other day and my dentist started throwing questions about me and jobs and attacking a lot of decisions I've made with deciding to go back to College Station. My dentist? For real? And yet, it brought me to tears. It showed me just how much I still care what people think about me, even when I know what God wants from me. God knows he's asking a lot from me, and he's pushing me for more. My prayer is that I would answer Him with an increase in faith, that's my hope. Please think about this in your own life! That's my prayer in sharing this! Lord bring clarity and wisdom!